At this stage of my life the
questing is hunting me why I am supposed to this word? Why I am here if nobody
needs me? Why I am searching inspiration to live?
My life is very simple. I get up in the morning,
do my morning routine, I go to my office for my morning work. I feel that I am
doing well in the office as well. I will return home evening; the same thing
happens every day. This is how I spend the days of my life. I have the identity
of a good person in the society where I live. I have made my life very simple.
Yeah!! I showed people about my life what they wanted to see. Wait,
actually I only showed what everyone wanted to see in me.
My life has been different since
childhood. People's eyes first get fixed on their appearance, color and body
shape. The whole thing you can say outer beauty. No one cared about the look,
color and mood of my soul at that time, then now who cares about this time of
me. I really wanted to be friends, but no one wanted to be my friend. So maybe
some of the friends I made in school life, I cared for more than life, but it
has also become a bitter truth in my life. Those friends made excuses and ran
away from me. All this was not new to me, what was happening to me was not exactly
new. This is the picture of my life, I understood. Of course, I knew it would
happen to me, but it never gave me as I already this things, as it passes
me like , I didn't see it, I didn't
experience it, I didn't know it, the pain continued to change my life in
a new way. And that's what I've been getting to this day.
I didn't understand what
loneliness was and I have been suffering from it ever since. I have made myself
my friend. But in life, being alone, live alone, love self alone, care self
alone, doing everything self alone is not enough. I did everything for myself
but these days I can't even look myself in the mirror. Questions are starting
to arise in me. I had been lying to myself for so many years that I had to be
myself. I was lying to myself, no matter what, I don't need anyone, these I lied
myself, I can take care of my own is lied myself. After all, it is natural for
me to think so because I have never met anyone what if you’re feeling, let’s
talk about you today, I just want to listen you. I want to know you. I
have spent half my life hiding my feelings saying that I am fine.
I also have a reason to hide my
feelings. No one ever wanted to hear me. Or no one wanted to give time. When
someone had a problem, I would listen to them, even if I couldn't do anything
else for them but I used to think I could listen to them. Because I know how
much it hurts when nobody listens to what's on your mind. I always thought or even
I think if there is someone to whom Ii can open up all my feelings or I can
open up all me then how beautiful life will be or would be. Now, I too scared
to close up or open up of me because my legacy is not allowing me to do that. But
I have only found myself where I used to express my views openly but now,
I feel the rate on my own. The rate tends to depend on my loss.
How was my day today, what did I
do today, today I have plans with friends, I have weekend plan, today I have to
go for a walk, I have never had such days. When I buy something for myself, I
act as ask at the shop mirror it suits me or not. My misfortune is that
I have not had the good fortune to share a cup of tea with anyone.
Shopping for self, buying for self, feeding to self, making expense on self
might every person seems boldness. But your inner side you are just alone.
I have read a lot of motivational
articles in my everyday but now these articles have also stopped being useful
in my daily routine. In my past life, I would have hoped for the end of such
days, but I have not met the end yet. I have lost my life many times but I am
trying to move forward thinking that these dark days will definitely end.
My whole life is full of struggle. I am struggling with self. These
days I am struggling to find inspiration to live. I am loss of motivation to
live. The whole loneliness’ grab me so hard. I just want some good people in my
life as the way I am, truly me not just the way they want me, not just the way
they want to listen me. Some time I found these 26 letters wants me so truly. Because
these letters are only which are in my turn and disciple my feelings into
words.
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