Where it has been started, it is still into starting. You have been locked me in here forever. When
I feel it’s the end of but apocalypse, which I can’t say goodbye.
—
apocalypse_
After all these years, I decided to meet you. When your
phone rang, I act as I don’t know this person and I said who is this? You introduces
as the way you always and asked me that same Question; Can we meet? My mind was
urging me not to meet. I didn't know when my heart says yes through my voice.
But the mind was still arguing to refuse. I was silent for a while, wondering
why I decided to meet you, so much so that your phone rang again and you
arrived.
As soon as I stepped out of the office gate, my eyes were
fixed on you. Maybe that's why you were talking to everyone else, you didn't
know I was too nervous. You saw me, I pointed to the tea shop, you followed me.
We went inside the tea shop and sat down. My heart was able to leave, you so
close to me. I tried to hide my frightened face as much as I could, trying to
keep my words from slipping. The meeting was very short, but you’re coming
closer to me was signaling something new. In that small meeting, we refreshed
all the old things between us.
Yeah! at that I sounds pretty crap to you, looks like I aren’t
for you either. But I have my own weaknesses. If I had spoken to you into
seeing your eyes, if I had looked at your face, I would not have been able to
hide my love for you. Not only today but I have always hidden my feelings
towards you.
—
Everything changed after the meeting that day. You were
looking for me but in reality, it is I need you very much. Yes, I have been
running away from you for so many years, maybe you know the reason. I have kept
myself away from you as much as possible I could. It is right to keep myself away from you. I
used to make excuses when you tried to talk to me, I always refused to meet you.
But this time I could not lie to you, I did not know how to make excuses, I
could not run away. I came very close to you after I met you completely, I forget
how far I could stay away from you. And this is exactly what happened after this
final meet. I have not been able to get away from you even though I wanted to.
I have not been able to get you out of my thoughts even though I wanted to.
Although I may have been slow to express my feelings towards
you, there are some reasons for not expressing my feelings and some of the
reasons I have hidden myself.
—
the flash back_
Your way of life has changed a long time ago. Probably in
the early starts.
I was started thinking about you, what do I feel for you?
Everything was starting to feel new to you. Although everything was clear
between us. We are just a hidden shadow of each other. But even
knowing everything, my love for you began to grow in my heart. The thought
about what is in my mind for you, what is happening, and I decided when I met you, I will show my love to you, but I found out from others that you have
another plan. It felt bad at the time, even got mad. I couldn't tell you what
was on my mind about you, I didn't even dare to tell others. Actually, I don’t wanted share you even in
talks, even in words, because at least in my thoughts you all belongs to me.
Maybe you were so busy with the new chapter of your life
that you chose to lose me.
The time there were so many problems in my life, and I lost
you. I don't want to live in the city where you are. Although you were not everywhere
on the road or walking on the street, but I was afraid of what to do if you
came in front of me. In the meantime, I met you, but that meeting started to
hurt me even more. I decided to stay away from you forever, I vanished from
your life without saying anything. I tried my best not to meet you. I struggled
2 couples of year to vanished. But life is not what you think it is. My
situation brought me back to the city where you were.
When I returned, I found you still searching for me. It made
me even more scared. I knew it would be different if I came in front of you
now. It will not be easy to get away from you. So, I made an excuse not to meet
you. Because if I'm yours or you're mine, I can't talk to you when I want to, I
can't hear when I want to hear your voice, I can't see when I want to see your
face, I can't love you when I want to. I can't put my feelings in front of you
the way I want.
—
locked_
I became closer to you, this time we became closer to one
another than I imagined. Maybe that's why I was looking for you under the
pretext that you were looking for me. I am happy to be with you. I am beginning
to see myself as happy. I never made my life more than a machine. But your
entry made everything awake.
—
the guilt_
I was into to you, you were into me, but I could never find
you completely. You are now completely someone else's. But I could not stop
myself from coming close to you.
Maybe at this time I have become self-certain. Maybe this is
my selfishness, I have fear in my heart, I am starting to see myself as second woman of yours. This guilt has been started hunting me. Maybe I'm not
for your life. I feel it is wrong to go back to your life. I'm wrong with you. I
am doing wrong with the lives connected with you. I am also struggling with
myself. I am started myself seeing wrong.
कोई टिप्पणी नहीं: